I thought I would post these YouTube videos as it reminds me of a part of my life that made me who I am today.
I went to a party last night and found myself having a 'so, how did you come out as being Gay?' conversation with a group of gay men of very differing ages.
I came out to myself when I was 13 and it took another 2 to 3 years before I told my family. It is very hard to know when and if you should tell someone about your something as important as this and you have to judge how safe it is to do so.
The day I came out to my mum she hit me and did a lot of shouting, but as with any thing she came around in time. But the time when you need the most support she became part of the problem.
I remember part of the conversation with her when she was going on about wanting me to be 'normal' and me saying that, 'the only 'normal' thing about me was me being Gay'
Bronski Beat and Jimmy Somerville just spoke to me about my life and who I was. The first track here is 'Small Town Boy'
The second video is 'Why' a song that gave me so much strength and power. I use to have the crap kicked out of me everyday at school and I would come home at night and play this and it would mend all of my wounds.
It's very easy some 25 years on to think that it must be so much easier for people to come out now, but one thing I learned from last night is that whenever you come out to people you love be it now or 25 years ago we all still want them to love us as much as we love them. Coming out to a loved one is about trusting them as much as it is about the act of doing it. You don't tell someone something this important to have them hate you and reject you. You want them to know because they are important to you and the fact that you can't be 100% yourself when you are with them starts to eat you up from deep inside.
One thing for sure you will know when to tell someone and if they love you and you love them in time they will come around.
Bear. X
2 comments:
I'm so glad you chose to be who you are.
I have 2 friends one male one female, both Gay, both in the closet, both in church. I encourage them as much as I can, and tell them that I will always support them no matter what they choose to do with their life, but honestly, I find it hard to support them in Hetero. relationships when I know that they are not being true to themselves. But I also can't imagine, how hard it would be to 'come out' to so much hostility and to potentially loose everything (friends, family etc.)
I guess I can only hope the best for them and continue to support them.
I think if your in a relationship and you are misleading someone else you have to think of the pain and damage that you would cause them and others with that lie.
I can understand it being hard if you go to church and if your family and friends have very set ways and thoughts. But one thing they have to remember is that life is about love and respect, true friends will always respect your choices and people who deserve your love will always love you back.
As they say life is a two way street...
You can not expect others to love and respect you, if you don't love and respect yourself a very important thing about being yourself is liking who you are.
Bear. x
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